Suddenly my Made in China guitars don't seem so bad. I mean sure my whole life I kept thinking about how one day, Onnnneee Dddddaaayyy I'll have guitars that are made in America. But I can never really bring myself to part with that much money for a single guitar.
But now China owns us. So suddenly my Made in China guitars seem down right American!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Women and Food
I'm not trying to bash the ladies, I love the ladies. But I've noticed there's this weird thing about them and food. When a guy is hungry, he gets some food. When a woman gets hungry it seems like she talks about it for hours before she actually gets any food. Or she'll complain to her friends or significant other until they get them food. Not sure if it's some kind of genetic 'Hunter/Gatherer' thing, but it's weird.
I first noticed it when I was about 20 and playing in a band in Baltimore. I'd taken my girlfriend to practice and she starting complaining very loudly that she was hungry. To the point where we had to stop practice to go get her food. For a long time I thought it was a freak thing, but then I noticed more and more times where a woman would loudly complain about getting food. I would always think, "then go get yourself some food, jesus quit talking about it and do something."
and then today I overhear (because honestly I was trying really hard to ignore it) a 2 hour conversation on food. What do you want to get? IDK, what do you want to get? And then one of them loudly exclaiming, "I'm Hungry!" And I always think, "Then get some FOOD!"
I guess I'm sexist because I always thought women were better cooks, and while I'm not saying I expect a woman to serve me food I'd would tend to expect that more then I would expect a guy to serve me food. I can't picture a group of guys hanging out while one of them keeps loudly complaining about how hungry he is, because every guy knows that in a group setting like that it wouldn't be long before the complaining individual is told in no uncertain terms to, "Go fix yourself some f**king food and quit b****ing about it!"
But I submit to you that if you know a woman who is loudly complaining about being hungry, that now is not the time to tell her, "Go fix yourself some f**king food and quit b****ing about it!" because her anger over being hungry will now be directed towards you. And us guys have soft vulnerable spots that do not receive kicks very well.
So while todays posting may be a bit of a b****y rant offering no valuable solutions, I just thought it might be interesting to comment on the phenomena I've noticed.
When men in a group are hungry, we make or get food. When women in a group get hungry they have to talk about it for hours in the hopes that someone will make/bring them food.
I find the whole thing very odd, but I'm slowly learning that discussing food makes my brain shut off completely. Food is what we eat because we need to eat to fuel our bodies, I can't imagine people sitting around talking for hours about how they're out of gas for their car, so why do people sit around complaining about how their bodies are out of fuel? Go. Get. Some. Food!
I first noticed it when I was about 20 and playing in a band in Baltimore. I'd taken my girlfriend to practice and she starting complaining very loudly that she was hungry. To the point where we had to stop practice to go get her food. For a long time I thought it was a freak thing, but then I noticed more and more times where a woman would loudly complain about getting food. I would always think, "then go get yourself some food, jesus quit talking about it and do something."
and then today I overhear (because honestly I was trying really hard to ignore it) a 2 hour conversation on food. What do you want to get? IDK, what do you want to get? And then one of them loudly exclaiming, "I'm Hungry!" And I always think, "Then get some FOOD!"
I guess I'm sexist because I always thought women were better cooks, and while I'm not saying I expect a woman to serve me food I'd would tend to expect that more then I would expect a guy to serve me food. I can't picture a group of guys hanging out while one of them keeps loudly complaining about how hungry he is, because every guy knows that in a group setting like that it wouldn't be long before the complaining individual is told in no uncertain terms to, "Go fix yourself some f**king food and quit b****ing about it!"
But I submit to you that if you know a woman who is loudly complaining about being hungry, that now is not the time to tell her, "Go fix yourself some f**king food and quit b****ing about it!" because her anger over being hungry will now be directed towards you. And us guys have soft vulnerable spots that do not receive kicks very well.
So while todays posting may be a bit of a b****y rant offering no valuable solutions, I just thought it might be interesting to comment on the phenomena I've noticed.
When men in a group are hungry, we make or get food. When women in a group get hungry they have to talk about it for hours in the hopes that someone will make/bring them food.
I find the whole thing very odd, but I'm slowly learning that discussing food makes my brain shut off completely. Food is what we eat because we need to eat to fuel our bodies, I can't imagine people sitting around talking for hours about how they're out of gas for their car, so why do people sit around complaining about how their bodies are out of fuel? Go. Get. Some. Food!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Guitar Hero VS Real Guitar
Yesterday another teacher and I were joking and talking about "the whiners," and it's always guitar hero kids going, "But this is hhhhaaaaarrrdddddd!!!!" And how some days you just wanna tell the kid, "then go back to playing guitar hero and quit whining and wasting my time!"
The whining gets so annoying. Seems like all the kids now want you to feed their ego and tell them they're doing awesome even when they're not. I've dropped students if they don't improve after a few months. If after 4 months you still can't move your fingers, play a chord or one scale, I don't even want to mess with you anymore.
And the lying gets to me too. "Did you practice?" "oh yeah! everyday, for hours!" "really?" "Yeah sure did." "Then how come you don't remember any of your chords, any of your scales, or anything at all? How can you have completely forgotten everything you've spent HOURS practicing?" "well I was really busy this week....."
This goes on for months with some students.
Quote from a board member at Strat-Talk: "He really thought that winning guitar hero took a lot of effort..."
I've seen that too. People all proud of themselves that they won a video game with a guitar shaped controller. It's an easy, and rather silly, game. My girlfriends friends love to play it, I don't even mess with it anymore.
Matter of fact I've gotten into arguments with my GF because we're at a friends house party which turns into a Rock Band/Guitar Hero party, and then she wonders why I'm suddenly bored out of my mind and just want to go home. I've told her a million times, "I actually play guitar, this is boring and stupid."
She does accounting work, I tried to tell her it'd be like going to a party where people plug in fake calculators and start playing Virtual BookKeeper. Would that be fun? Seeing your job turned into a dumb party game that people expect you to play because you can play an actual guitar? Then get mad at you when you're playing it on Hard because anything other then Hard puts you to sleep?
I've actually somewhat grown to hate that game. It was fun at first, and I thought it'd be great for guitar because more people would make the jump to a real guitar, but I actually see more people making the jump back to the fake plastic one once they realize a real guitar doesn't have 5 buttons that make everything happen.
The whining gets so annoying. Seems like all the kids now want you to feed their ego and tell them they're doing awesome even when they're not. I've dropped students if they don't improve after a few months. If after 4 months you still can't move your fingers, play a chord or one scale, I don't even want to mess with you anymore.
And the lying gets to me too. "Did you practice?" "oh yeah! everyday, for hours!" "really?" "Yeah sure did." "Then how come you don't remember any of your chords, any of your scales, or anything at all? How can you have completely forgotten everything you've spent HOURS practicing?" "well I was really busy this week....."
This goes on for months with some students.
Quote from a board member at Strat-Talk: "He really thought that winning guitar hero took a lot of effort..."
I've seen that too. People all proud of themselves that they won a video game with a guitar shaped controller. It's an easy, and rather silly, game. My girlfriends friends love to play it, I don't even mess with it anymore.
Matter of fact I've gotten into arguments with my GF because we're at a friends house party which turns into a Rock Band/Guitar Hero party, and then she wonders why I'm suddenly bored out of my mind and just want to go home. I've told her a million times, "I actually play guitar, this is boring and stupid."
She does accounting work, I tried to tell her it'd be like going to a party where people plug in fake calculators and start playing Virtual BookKeeper. Would that be fun? Seeing your job turned into a dumb party game that people expect you to play because you can play an actual guitar? Then get mad at you when you're playing it on Hard because anything other then Hard puts you to sleep?
I've actually somewhat grown to hate that game. It was fun at first, and I thought it'd be great for guitar because more people would make the jump to a real guitar, but I actually see more people making the jump back to the fake plastic one once they realize a real guitar doesn't have 5 buttons that make everything happen.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Apparently a young boy fell in the river last night
There's a small creek/river that runs right next to my apartment building near a park. Apparently a small boy feel in the water last night and the authorities haven't been able to find him yet. I feel bad for his parents. Though I also wonder why weren't they watching him so he couldn't fall in the fast moving water that's surrounded by fence. All last night we had the news people, the firemen, divers in the water, and helicopters circling overhead. Now the next day I see we've still got helicopters circling overhead. I hate to be rude, but if the kid fell in the water at 6pm last night I don't think the helicopters are really going to find him at 2pm the next day. That boy's been washed away I'm sure.
It's very creepy when there's helicopters circling your building for days. Really screws with your sense of paranoia.
It's very creepy when there's helicopters circling your building for days. Really screws with your sense of paranoia.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Why I dig Squier and quit being a guitar snob.
I was walking down the street choking on exhaust fumes. Cold, wet and hungry. I had just got into town, it was night and was exploring the area on foot to get a feel for the place, when I walked past a music store and saw a guitar in the window. It didn't call to me, but the store did, it looked warm in there. I knew I looked like a bum in my soaking wet insulated flannel and dirty jeans, but I didn't care. It looked warm and I figured I could at least get out of the cold for a few minutes by "trying out" a guitar. I knew I looked like **** when I walked in and was embarrassed by it, and the owner came over right away to try and shoe me out of his store. Looking back I don't blame him. I timidly asked him if I could try the blue Squier Strat that was in the window. I don't know if the guy had pity on me or just figured, "what the hell" but he let me sit down with a small POS practice amp (I think it was a silvertone or something pretty junky sounding.) I sat down, made sure the guitar was in tune and started playing. I hadn't even touched a guitar in over a year, I literally owned 2 bags of clothes at the time and that was it. But man, my fingers remembered and the muscle memory came flooding back. My fingers were tired almost instantly so I just jammed some slow quite blues. I didn't want to be obnoxious and kind of just wanted to disappear for a moment and let the bull**** of the past year go away for a little while. My brothers I tell you that moment changed my life. All the pain, the anger, the frustration and angst I'd been holding inside for that past year came out of me. I couldn't cry, I never cry. But that guitar cried for me. I screamed, I cried, I wailed, I played for the loss I felt over losing my family and everything I owned. I played like it was the last time I'd ever touch a guitar, because deep down I felt like it would be. What no one knew is that I'd seriously been debating jumping in front of a train. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of being cold, tired of being hungry, tired of missing the ones I loved the most, and mostly just tired. You don't get good sleep if you don't have a bed and a door to close to lock out the outside world. I played, and played. Never opened my eyes. I played for the sadness and the joy I'd had in my life and I played for what was sure to be the last time. I was saying goodbye to my greatest lover (the guitar) and telling her how much I'd miss her and how I just wish things could have been different. I'm not lying when I tell you that my chest is tightening right now just recalling what was going through my head back then. When I stopped I opened my eyes and my hands were shaking. The owner of the store was standing a couple feet away from me and instead of looking at me with disgust he simply asked, "can you teach?" I told him yes I used to teach in another life but it had been years. He asked me to come back tomorrow early in the morning.
I got up early, went to a bathroom and got cleaned up, shaved, pulled my hair into a ponytail, stopped by the dollar store and put on some cologne and went to the store. Right away I got students. All I had to do was sit in front and play guitar and people would ask me for lessons. It was amazing really. I started making daily cash and hiding it away, not long after I was able to rent a couch from a guy in his living room for $50. a week. I finally had a roof over my head again. I spent a year on that couch, saving, saving, saving. Living off of Ramen Noodles and water. I was down to about 115 pounds by that point when normally I'm around 155. So I looked,....not that great. But by saving I was eventually able to get a very small apartment in the ghetto. It's not an exaggeration, it was the ghetto. I had hookers and drug dealers 10 feet outside my door. But I finally had a door to close and lock that I could call my own, all because of that Squier guitar. I kept saving and my boss was cool and let me take guitars home all the time so I could practice, I'd discovered Flamenco guitar and really threw myself into it and it wasn't long before I was making a tiny bit of money doing that style of music for people as well. The neighborhood was awful but it didn't seem so bad at the time, I was just glad to finally, finally have my own place. The people in the neighborhood didn't mess with me even though I'm white. They literally thought I was insane and no white guy in their right mind moves to the worst part of town. But because I played music and would sit on the porch and hang out with them sometimes I got treated pretty well, even made a couple friends. Eventually I was able to get better and better apartments moving up towards the better parts of town and closer to the music store. I'd made some good musician friends and was playing with them constantly as well. Music is my life, it's all I do. Now in this time I'd chewed through a couple electrics as well, some cheap sh**ty ones, a couple good ones. A Shector which was stolen, a Jackson which just wasn't for me, but I kept looking for "the one" the guitar that just felt right and felt like 'Me.' Now in this time I'd been teaching about a year with this truly beat up and punished Seafoam Green Squier, covered with stickers, just a dog of a guitar. Yet out of the ones in the store that was always the one I would grab, I just thought it was one of the best guitars in the store. I could teach all day with it and not really have to tune it, plus it was very Rock 'N Roll. One humbucker one volume knob. Finally one day I looked down at it and realized, "all this time I've been looking for The One, and I've been playing it everyday!" I guess I was being a Squier snob at the time, I just didn't really consider it. But it dawned on me that it didn't matter what name was on the headstock, THIS guitar was the one I was always reaching for. I went home that day and the next day brought in my Jackson Rhodes V w/ an original Floyd Rose on it. It was a pretty sweet guitar I suppose, just not for me. I told the boss I wanted to trade the Jackson for the green Squier. He thought I was nuts. The guitar looked like sh*t, covered in stickers, some peeling off. Dents, nicks, scratches, the works. But I didn't care I just knew it was the one for me. We traded even steven and the next day my Jackson was sold. I knew it wouldn't last long hanging up in the store. Some lucky guy got that V w/ F.Rose for probably less then $200. because the boss just honestly didn't realize what it was worth. I still didn't care. I took the Green Dog home and ripped and scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed and got all the stupid stickers off it and thought, "man this is kind of cool looking!"
I started playing out that guitar and bringing it to the studios to record with, I still do. I got looks, I got comments, I didn't care. The Green Dog was my baby and she was an underdog like myself. She'd been thrown away (sold to the store) and abandoned just like I had, but we were both fighters, and that guitar and I had each others back. I've played it everyday for years and years at this point, and she still keeps ticking and sounding great and staying in tune.
Realizing I wanted another Strat I started slowly saving a few dollars each week for months and months, and months. Using that time I started reviewing what guitar to get. I knew by then it was going to be a Squier. I just felt like Squier is a guitar for the people. Made by poor people, for poor people. Well,.....I'm poor people so that suits me just fine. I started reading the reviews on the CV guitars and looking at pics and just thought, "man there's no way the guitar can be that good for that cheap!" Plus deep down don't we all wish we could have a 1950's Stratocaster? I knew that the CV50's was gonna be the one for me. I'd been doing repairs and setups on Strats for awhile and really found them to be exceptional guitars even some of the copies were really good, so I figured as long as the CV is halfway decent I could fix it up, set it up right, and really make it a player. Turns out I didn't have to, She was perfect right out of the box, like she was made for me. She knew I'd love her and treat her like a lady. I noticed when playing her that the vintage saddles don't have a groove in them, the strings would literally kind of bounce on the saddles. I thought that was crazy, but I loved it. It gave a sparkly, jangly quality to the guitar. And that's when I knew she was to be called Mrs. Jangles. Mrs. because she's a lady who's married to me, and Jangles because that's what she does. So now I have Mrs. Jangles and Green Dog, both Squiers, both great guitars, and both guitars that I love dearly. Even on days when I don't play Mrs. Jangles I'll open the case just to take in her beauty and polish her a little bit. Just to give her some attention, to let her know I care.
And so concludes my love story. It's one I've wanted to tell for a long time but I guess I needed to find people that could appreciate it and in a way understand the very real love a man can feel for a guitar.
I love Squiers because a blue Affinity Squier literally saved my life, put love back in my blackened dead heart and gave me the strength to go on for one more day, which turned into one more day after that.
They say God works in strange ways, maybe he does. If I hadn't seen that blue Squier in the window I really believe I would have continued my journey to the train station.
I will always love Squier, no other guitar has affected me so deeply or moved me in such a way. I feel true love and loyalty to them. Which is why sometimes I get mad at the things people say about them, but I understand. Most people never go through what I went through and will never look at them the way that I do.
Music can heal you, but the right guitar at the right time can literally save your life.
Cheers and Peace,
-M-
I got up early, went to a bathroom and got cleaned up, shaved, pulled my hair into a ponytail, stopped by the dollar store and put on some cologne and went to the store. Right away I got students. All I had to do was sit in front and play guitar and people would ask me for lessons. It was amazing really. I started making daily cash and hiding it away, not long after I was able to rent a couch from a guy in his living room for $50. a week. I finally had a roof over my head again. I spent a year on that couch, saving, saving, saving. Living off of Ramen Noodles and water. I was down to about 115 pounds by that point when normally I'm around 155. So I looked,....not that great. But by saving I was eventually able to get a very small apartment in the ghetto. It's not an exaggeration, it was the ghetto. I had hookers and drug dealers 10 feet outside my door. But I finally had a door to close and lock that I could call my own, all because of that Squier guitar. I kept saving and my boss was cool and let me take guitars home all the time so I could practice, I'd discovered Flamenco guitar and really threw myself into it and it wasn't long before I was making a tiny bit of money doing that style of music for people as well. The neighborhood was awful but it didn't seem so bad at the time, I was just glad to finally, finally have my own place. The people in the neighborhood didn't mess with me even though I'm white. They literally thought I was insane and no white guy in their right mind moves to the worst part of town. But because I played music and would sit on the porch and hang out with them sometimes I got treated pretty well, even made a couple friends. Eventually I was able to get better and better apartments moving up towards the better parts of town and closer to the music store. I'd made some good musician friends and was playing with them constantly as well. Music is my life, it's all I do. Now in this time I'd chewed through a couple electrics as well, some cheap sh**ty ones, a couple good ones. A Shector which was stolen, a Jackson which just wasn't for me, but I kept looking for "the one" the guitar that just felt right and felt like 'Me.' Now in this time I'd been teaching about a year with this truly beat up and punished Seafoam Green Squier, covered with stickers, just a dog of a guitar. Yet out of the ones in the store that was always the one I would grab, I just thought it was one of the best guitars in the store. I could teach all day with it and not really have to tune it, plus it was very Rock 'N Roll. One humbucker one volume knob. Finally one day I looked down at it and realized, "all this time I've been looking for The One, and I've been playing it everyday!" I guess I was being a Squier snob at the time, I just didn't really consider it. But it dawned on me that it didn't matter what name was on the headstock, THIS guitar was the one I was always reaching for. I went home that day and the next day brought in my Jackson Rhodes V w/ an original Floyd Rose on it. It was a pretty sweet guitar I suppose, just not for me. I told the boss I wanted to trade the Jackson for the green Squier. He thought I was nuts. The guitar looked like sh*t, covered in stickers, some peeling off. Dents, nicks, scratches, the works. But I didn't care I just knew it was the one for me. We traded even steven and the next day my Jackson was sold. I knew it wouldn't last long hanging up in the store. Some lucky guy got that V w/ F.Rose for probably less then $200. because the boss just honestly didn't realize what it was worth. I still didn't care. I took the Green Dog home and ripped and scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed and got all the stupid stickers off it and thought, "man this is kind of cool looking!"
I started playing out that guitar and bringing it to the studios to record with, I still do. I got looks, I got comments, I didn't care. The Green Dog was my baby and she was an underdog like myself. She'd been thrown away (sold to the store) and abandoned just like I had, but we were both fighters, and that guitar and I had each others back. I've played it everyday for years and years at this point, and she still keeps ticking and sounding great and staying in tune.
Realizing I wanted another Strat I started slowly saving a few dollars each week for months and months, and months. Using that time I started reviewing what guitar to get. I knew by then it was going to be a Squier. I just felt like Squier is a guitar for the people. Made by poor people, for poor people. Well,.....I'm poor people so that suits me just fine. I started reading the reviews on the CV guitars and looking at pics and just thought, "man there's no way the guitar can be that good for that cheap!" Plus deep down don't we all wish we could have a 1950's Stratocaster? I knew that the CV50's was gonna be the one for me. I'd been doing repairs and setups on Strats for awhile and really found them to be exceptional guitars even some of the copies were really good, so I figured as long as the CV is halfway decent I could fix it up, set it up right, and really make it a player. Turns out I didn't have to, She was perfect right out of the box, like she was made for me. She knew I'd love her and treat her like a lady. I noticed when playing her that the vintage saddles don't have a groove in them, the strings would literally kind of bounce on the saddles. I thought that was crazy, but I loved it. It gave a sparkly, jangly quality to the guitar. And that's when I knew she was to be called Mrs. Jangles. Mrs. because she's a lady who's married to me, and Jangles because that's what she does. So now I have Mrs. Jangles and Green Dog, both Squiers, both great guitars, and both guitars that I love dearly. Even on days when I don't play Mrs. Jangles I'll open the case just to take in her beauty and polish her a little bit. Just to give her some attention, to let her know I care.
And so concludes my love story. It's one I've wanted to tell for a long time but I guess I needed to find people that could appreciate it and in a way understand the very real love a man can feel for a guitar.
I love Squiers because a blue Affinity Squier literally saved my life, put love back in my blackened dead heart and gave me the strength to go on for one more day, which turned into one more day after that.
They say God works in strange ways, maybe he does. If I hadn't seen that blue Squier in the window I really believe I would have continued my journey to the train station.
I will always love Squier, no other guitar has affected me so deeply or moved me in such a way. I feel true love and loyalty to them. Which is why sometimes I get mad at the things people say about them, but I understand. Most people never go through what I went through and will never look at them the way that I do.
Music can heal you, but the right guitar at the right time can literally save your life.
Cheers and Peace,
-M-
I Like Poly! There, I said it.
I know that it at least seems like most people hate poly finishes on an electric guitar. But I must confess, I find myself really liking them. They stay looking new, scratches come right out when I polish them, and they feel durable and will keep moisture and acid sweat from seeping down into the wood and potentially rotting it out. I always use to dog out my guitars and beat the hell out of them, and of course had to set them up all the time too. But now I realize that taking care of them they work a lot better, they stay looking new and shiny and they keep working just fine. My CV50 taught me that poly and taking care of your guitar is not really the bad things I thought they were.
I've played and owned natural guitars and light finish guitars, and they're nice too I'm not knocking it. But I find just as much resonance and unplugged volume coming out of my poly guitars as I do out of any guitars I've ever owned. For example even in my youtube/Life gets in the Way video you can hear the strings on my Agile guitar very loud and clear even though the mic was 6 feet away from the guitar and the amp was on and turned up. That's a very loud, poly coated guitar. You can hear it unplugged on the other side of my apartment, it's ridiculous. (it's also become my #2 favorite because of it's resonance and volume.)
But I just don't get the Hate On that some people seem to have for poly. Not only does it not bother me to have a poly coated guitar, I appreciate the benefits it brings to the instrument.
I'm not trying to change anyones mind, and I understand that some people will never want poly on their guitar, but I thought I'd express some love for the benefits of the oft hated poly.
I've played and owned natural guitars and light finish guitars, and they're nice too I'm not knocking it. But I find just as much resonance and unplugged volume coming out of my poly guitars as I do out of any guitars I've ever owned. For example even in my youtube/Life gets in the Way video you can hear the strings on my Agile guitar very loud and clear even though the mic was 6 feet away from the guitar and the amp was on and turned up. That's a very loud, poly coated guitar. You can hear it unplugged on the other side of my apartment, it's ridiculous. (it's also become my #2 favorite because of it's resonance and volume.)
But I just don't get the Hate On that some people seem to have for poly. Not only does it not bother me to have a poly coated guitar, I appreciate the benefits it brings to the instrument.
I'm not trying to change anyones mind, and I understand that some people will never want poly on their guitar, but I thought I'd express some love for the benefits of the oft hated poly.
Act Your Age!
So at what point do you act your age?
When I was a kid I didn't like what all the other kids seemed to like. When I was a teen I was caught up in music and things like 'The Prom' and crap like that had no interest for me. As an adult I tried the 'be normal, get married, have a family' thing and that didn't work out at all. And now in my early 30's I have friends that are the same age that seem to act and think so old! They're talking about retirement plans and IRA's and fixed loans and stuff, and I'm just like, "yeah, I saw a cool movie, I'm gonna go play guitar now."
Either I'm just incredibly immature, or I just don't get it. They all seem so miserable. Hating their life, hating their job, never having any time to do fun things because they're working and saving all the time. It's like watching a hive of bees buzzing around inching towards their deaths, but they're so busy pressing their noses into grindstones they don't see The Reaper gradually starting to notice them. I just feel like life is too short to kill yourself working and worrying over every little thing. I know I have a screwed up view of the world because I even resent body maintainence. No I'm not a dirty stinking bastard who never brushes his teeth. But somedays I think about how much time I have to spend eating, showering, brushing teeth, making food, taking a dump, etc. And I think, "damn I have to waste a lot of time taking care of this flesh shell!"
Now I look in the mirror and I don't think I look my age, and people tell me I look pretty young, and I guess that's a good thing, but I suppose I never realized how immature I am. I don't have a checking account, I don't have credit cards, I just don't care. Everyone else says it's so important but I just don't get it. I pay for things in cash. If I don't have the cash I don't get it.
I'm scared I'm gonna wake up 60 and realize there was a lot of stuff I was supposed to do that I didn't do, but at the same time I don't even know what I should be doing or why it's important?
I see people go all through school never having fun, then they go through 4-8 years of college not having fun, then they get out in the world and they're working, working, working, and they're just miserable people. And then from what I've seen at some point they snap and realize they missed out on a lot and have affairs or do silly things that wreck their life anyway.
I just don't get this whole "Life" thing I guess. I know there's more to life then having fun, I'm not saying that. I'm not a 24 hour party guy by any means. But the things I study, music, instruments, history, sociology, religions, systems of governments. All that studying takes up pretty much all my time anyway.
I guess I'm not sure what the point of all this is, I've just been thinking on it lately about how what seems to be so important to everyone else I couldn't give a rats a** about. I just want to live and learn and grow, not stifle myself into a system that seems to me to be nothing more then oppression.
I keep thinking human beings were not supposed to be living like this, but then again I'm not sure how were supposed to be living. Shouldn't we be evolving as a species? We've kind of been spinning our wheels for awhile now. Sure our technology gets better all the time, but the people don't seem to. We're always 2 seconds away from, "Burn the Witch!" type behavior.
I've been reading a book by Konrad Lorenz and he talks about how in humanity aggression is instinctual and we haven't evolved enough yet to to have any inhibiting mechanisms to curb our aggression and ensure the survival of the species. And that because of this man is the most dangerous animal.
anyway it got me thinking so I thought I'd share some of my psychosis.
When I was a kid I didn't like what all the other kids seemed to like. When I was a teen I was caught up in music and things like 'The Prom' and crap like that had no interest for me. As an adult I tried the 'be normal, get married, have a family' thing and that didn't work out at all. And now in my early 30's I have friends that are the same age that seem to act and think so old! They're talking about retirement plans and IRA's and fixed loans and stuff, and I'm just like, "yeah, I saw a cool movie, I'm gonna go play guitar now."
Either I'm just incredibly immature, or I just don't get it. They all seem so miserable. Hating their life, hating their job, never having any time to do fun things because they're working and saving all the time. It's like watching a hive of bees buzzing around inching towards their deaths, but they're so busy pressing their noses into grindstones they don't see The Reaper gradually starting to notice them. I just feel like life is too short to kill yourself working and worrying over every little thing. I know I have a screwed up view of the world because I even resent body maintainence. No I'm not a dirty stinking bastard who never brushes his teeth. But somedays I think about how much time I have to spend eating, showering, brushing teeth, making food, taking a dump, etc. And I think, "damn I have to waste a lot of time taking care of this flesh shell!"
Now I look in the mirror and I don't think I look my age, and people tell me I look pretty young, and I guess that's a good thing, but I suppose I never realized how immature I am. I don't have a checking account, I don't have credit cards, I just don't care. Everyone else says it's so important but I just don't get it. I pay for things in cash. If I don't have the cash I don't get it.
I'm scared I'm gonna wake up 60 and realize there was a lot of stuff I was supposed to do that I didn't do, but at the same time I don't even know what I should be doing or why it's important?
I see people go all through school never having fun, then they go through 4-8 years of college not having fun, then they get out in the world and they're working, working, working, and they're just miserable people. And then from what I've seen at some point they snap and realize they missed out on a lot and have affairs or do silly things that wreck their life anyway.
I just don't get this whole "Life" thing I guess. I know there's more to life then having fun, I'm not saying that. I'm not a 24 hour party guy by any means. But the things I study, music, instruments, history, sociology, religions, systems of governments. All that studying takes up pretty much all my time anyway.
I guess I'm not sure what the point of all this is, I've just been thinking on it lately about how what seems to be so important to everyone else I couldn't give a rats a** about. I just want to live and learn and grow, not stifle myself into a system that seems to me to be nothing more then oppression.
I keep thinking human beings were not supposed to be living like this, but then again I'm not sure how were supposed to be living. Shouldn't we be evolving as a species? We've kind of been spinning our wheels for awhile now. Sure our technology gets better all the time, but the people don't seem to. We're always 2 seconds away from, "Burn the Witch!" type behavior.
I've been reading a book by Konrad Lorenz and he talks about how in humanity aggression is instinctual and we haven't evolved enough yet to to have any inhibiting mechanisms to curb our aggression and ensure the survival of the species. And that because of this man is the most dangerous animal.
anyway it got me thinking so I thought I'd share some of my psychosis.
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